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So you broke your heart.

Maybe your whole world just fell apart when bae walked out the door. Or maybe it was a long time coming– and you had to pull the plug on a relationship that was good but not great. (And what even is life if you’re not letting it be great?)

Maybe it never even really started, but you already allocated so many crush resources to it that it still hurts like a bitch.

Beware, Oxytocin

Your hormones made you dumb and it takes forever for it to wear off.

Worse, technology + hormones = bad news.

It’s easier to feel shitty. It’s all fun and games when you’re instagramming the shit out of  your boo, but the pain of untagging is excruciating — and no one deserves that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind shit.

Now more than ever we face endless opportunities in love and jobs. We are also better than ever at turning people into symbols and ghosts, because they never really do go away… They’re always sliding into your DMs or watching your Snapchats, or saying they’re “Interested” in your events.

Here’s how to move on– without getting under someone else.

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1. Talk about it if you need to. Get it all out and into some kind of safe screaming chamber.

Armor yourself with people who wholly accept you, who will sing your praises and make you feel good about yourself, while doing your best to 100% avoid any and all people who may have hurt you, no matter how good-looking or necessary they seem.

We’ve all got that person who makes us feel like a million bucks — maybe that person who always had a crush on you but will never act on it because they know you’re out of their league- or maybe just you two haven’t been hanging out so much since they got really into choir

 NOW IS THAT PERSON’S TIME TO SHINE. Laugh with old friends, and remember this can be enough. Remember that you are enough. You are everything you need in this world. 

2. Keep moving. Immerse yourself in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Research shows that many people are happiest when experiencing Flow,” the feeling of being completely and totally focused on an activity.

Find your flow and you won’t want to stop. If you don’t know what those activities are, it’s time to start something new.

Some ideas…

  • Listen to an album that YOU love that doesn’t remind you of anyone. Maybe something that’s been there with you since middle school
  • Write a song, or a story or a poem
  • Text someone you have been feeling bad that you haven’t texted in a while
  • Go to a drum circle or finally try out your talent at an open mic
  • Go on a walk, or a long drive, or an impromptu vacation and take a ton of pictures of yourself, with your hair rippling in the breeze
  • Help someone in need — like that friend we were talking about earlier

3. It’s not like you’re not going to get a tomorrow.

The human capacity for change is infinite. We are adaptable beings. This person or thing that broke your heart does not decide anything about your worth.

Accept the fact that even the most intelligent, good-natured, talented and sexy people experience pain and heartache.

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Celebrate that you are free and open for the next opportunity — it’s yours for the taking.

*sends article to past self*


Aarushi (@aarushifire) does stand-up, sings in the Madison-based band, Tin Can Diamonds, and produces for public radio. She founded Brown Girl Lifted in 2015.

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